


Sanctuary

by ChrisDiva



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:53:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22654291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChrisDiva/pseuds/ChrisDiva
Summary: When TK is about to do something stupid again, Carlos wants to be his sanctuary. But will TK let him?
Relationships: Carlos Reyes (9-1-1 Lone Star)/TK Strand
Comments: 23
Kudos: 204





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to the song "Sanctuary" by the band Welshly Arms a couple of days ago. While listening to the lyrics, this litte idea popped up in my head.  
> English is not my native language and the text is not proof read. So all mistakes are my own. :-)  
> I still hope you enjoy and I will love to hear what you think.

It has been a long and stressful day. Carlos is on his way home after his shift, looking forward to slouch on the couch, watch some trash TV, a cold beer in hand. But then he sees him. TK is walking down the street towards him, wearing the yellow hoodie he had on the night of the latenight dinner fiasco.

The mere sight of the handsome firefighter makes Carlos smile. And now he has other plans in mind than going home alone. He wants TK to ask him to come with him, kiss him sensless as soon as they enter the door, undress him, marvel at that perfect body and fuck him into oblivion.

But he had to make it look casual, because he didn’t want to scare TK of. And if he hoped that casual would turn into something more, something deep and steady, who could blame him. He cared for that man.

Yes, they only had seen each other a few times and did not know each other well. But despite of all the facts his head found for why he should not arelady be in love with TK, his heart found a lot of reasons why he was.

But he knew better than anyone not to press the firefighter. The last time he had tried, it had ended with TK walking out on him and the dinner he had prepared for them. So from now on he was going to tread carefully.

Carlos is about to pull up beside TK, open the car window and ask him, if he can give him a ride, when it hits him that something about TK is off. Instead of standing tall and proud like he usually does, his shoulders are slouched. Like all energy has been drained out of his body. He does not seem to be walking down the street, it looks more like he’s running from something. And as Carlos catches a glimpse of his face, he is shocked by what he finds there.

The wonderful lips, that can produce an awardwinning smile that makes him weak in the knees everytime, are now pressed thight together and not more than a thin line. And his eyes that usually twinkle are void of any emotion. They seem almost doll like, so lacking are they in life or expression. It is no wonder that he doesn’t notice Carlos, as he is passing him by in his car.

Carlos knows that look. It is the same TK had when he was sitting in the police station hunched over his desk holding an ice pack to his eye. Dread takes a hold of him. He is afraid, that the young man is about to do something stupid. Again. Like the night he went to a bar to pick a fight just to feel something.

That’s why Carlos parks his car, gets out and follows TK, staying back in order for the firefighter not to see him. It’s a good thing he is a cop, he has tailed more than his fair share of suspects. And luckily he had changed into his street clothes back at the station. If he would still be wearing his uniform, it would be difficult to blend in.

He still is not quite sure what exactly he is going to do once he figures out what TK is up to. The young man is not one to accept help easily because he does not want to seem weak. But then again, Carlos can’t just look away and let the other man run into his misfortune. That’s not the kind of person he his. He has to try at least to be there for TK. And he wants to be.

_When the darkness don't let you sleep_  
_I'm gonna hold you close_  
_And when space is all you need_  
_I can let you go_  
_And if the spark in your eye goes out_  
_I can be your glow_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TK feels lost and ends up somewhere he should not be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to all the people who read the first chapter, bookmarked and/or left kudos.  
> But a really hugh thank you goes out to those who took their time to leave a comment. They were like balm for the soul and warmed my heart.
> 
> So now on to the middle chapter of this short fic.  
> This is still not beta'ed and I have not magicially become a native english speaker since the last chapter. ;-)  
> And I was lying in bed sick as I wrote this. So if it doesn't make sense, I blame it on the fever. ;-)
> 
> And of course I again would like to hear what you think. :-)

TK knows he should not be here. In fact, he had not planed to come here. He had just ended up here.

All he had wanted to do when he had stepped out of his home was to clear his head. He started to walk aimlessly…. away from the house… away from his dad… away from everything.

The farther his feet carried him, the more the thoughts in his head started to whirl around like leafs in a storm. He was not able to hold on to one in particular for long. If he tried, it got blown away by the whirlwind inside his mind.

There were moments were he thought he should just turn around and go back home. The next moment he was full of self-loathing, shame and fear.

It was during one of those moments that it had seemed like a good idea to just go and buy some pills. He could easily find out where to get what he wanted online. He held is phone in his hand and was about to start typing, when his fingers began to shake uncontrollably.

A picture appeared before his inner eye: his dad holding him after he had overdosed back in New York because of Alex turning down his marriage proposal and letting him know that he was in love with someone else. He could not forget the way his father had looked at him. A look full of love, but also fear and a hint of disappointment.

The memory of that moment and that look prevented him from going down that path. He could not disappoint his father. Not again. Not when he counted on him. Not when he had to be there for him to help him in this time of sickness. So he had discarded that idea.

The next time his mind went to a dark place while walking around not knowing where to go, another idea popped to his head. He could go to a bar and pick a fight. He longed for a split lip and bruised knuckles, in the hope that the physical pain would overpower the pain in his heart … his soul… his whole being.

But getting into a fight would probably end up getting him arrested. And if that happened, chances were that he would run into Carlos at the police station. He did not want that man to see him like this. Not again.

Last time Carlos had been really understanding and kind. But TK feared that this time the dark haired beauty would realize just how broken and damaged he really was and that he is not worth the trouble. And that thought scares him… a lot more than it should.

His mind tells him, that he is not ready to open up his heart again. After all it had gotten crushed only 110 days ago, when he asked his soulmate to marry him and he moved in with his trainer instead. And yes, he still counts the days since it happened…. and even the hours. This may indicate that he is not over it yet and therefore not ready for something new.

But his heart seems to disagree with that reasoning. It almost stops at the mere thought of not having the police officer in his life any more. TK tried to fight his developing feelings for Carlos. But he failed. But he is also not ready to face him right now. So picking a fight in order to get physically hurt was not an option.

That’s how TK ended up here, in this seedy bar, a whiskey neat in front of him on the counter. He stares into the amber liquid as if it holds the answers to all the questions racing trough his mind.

Why did Alex fall in love with somebody else? Why was he not enough? Why had he not seen the signs that his father was sick? Why did his father of all people have to get cancer? Why was he not a better person?

He knows he should be strong for his dad. But instead of being there for him, he is sitting in this shady place having a pity party with him as the guest of honour.

He feels so alone and could really use a friend right now. There's the fleeting thought that maybe if he still were in New York he would not be all alone right now, about to drink whiskey. But deep down he knows that he is kidding himself. He might have known more people in the Big Apple than he does here in Austin, but he didn’t really have that many friends there either. He was so focused on his job, Alex and his dad.

A sigh escapes his lips at the thought of his Dad. He is his hero. His best friend. Especially in high school there had been a lot of teasing because of the close relationship between him and his father. But the people who made fun of him because of it had no notion of what the two of them had been through together and the bond they shared because of it.

He really could use one of his father’s patented hugs right now. Even if he is all grown up, he always feels better and safer wrapped up in his dad’s strong arms.

But this time, it would not work. This time his dad can’t help. This time he is not the solution, but part of the problem. A huge part. He - or rather the cancer and the fear that TK feels at the thought of losing him - is one of the main reasons he’s sitting here, contemplaiting to have a drink for the first time in months.

Part of him hates himself for being here… for thinking about it…. for putting the glass to his lips several times. But another part of him is just so tired and exhausted. That part longs for the conflicting voices in his head to go quiet, if only for just a moment.

Lost in his inner fight, TK doesn't notice when someone takes a seat next to him at the bar. Only when he hears a voice, he becomes aware of the other person. And the voice is familiar.

“Carlos…” The word is a mere whisper, but it might as well be a loud cry for help.

_When the rain starts to take its toll  
You can slow me down  
'Cause we both know that the world's turned cold  
And I just need you now  
Keep holding on (hold onto me, hold on)_


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carlos finds TK in the bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter, that I'm posting just before I go to bed (here in Switzerland it is almost cloe to midnight on a sundy and I have to work tomorrow).  
> Originally I had planned this story to have 3 chapters. But TK and Carlos had other plans. ;-). So now there will be 4 chapters and this is numer 3.
> 
> I hope you enjoy and I would of course love to hear what you thin,. :-)

As Carlos walks trough the door of the bar, greeted by the stale air, he immediately spots TK, a drink in hand. He doesn’t know if he should be relieved or anxious that the young firefither opted for alcohol instead of picking a fight as a means to cope whit wathever he’s going through.

Wallking up to him, he takes a good look at his appereance, hoping to get an idea what to expect.

TK’s back is slouched forward, the shoulders are hunched, all the muscles tense. He looks a bit like Atlas, carring the weight of the whole world on his shoulders.

Standing within reach now, Carlos’ hands twitch a little with the desire to reach out and touch. He refrains from doing so, because he doesn’t know how TK will react to touch right now.

He takes a seat next to TK and waits for the other man to acknowledge his presence, but nothing happens. He seems to be too lost in his toughts.

Carlos waits and takes a closer look at the man that has come to mean so much to him in such a short period of time. TK’s whole demeanor somehow makes him think of a wounded animal. He doesn’t want to spook him, so he takes his time to concider how to make his presence know in a gentle manner.

After careful deliberation, he opts for a subdued “Hey TK”. Brought back to reality by his voice, TK swirls around and stares at him. The empty look in his eyes goes straight to Carlos’ heart and he vows to do anything in his power to wipe it from TK’s face.

TK can’t believe Carlos is here. It’s like his greatest wish and his worst nightmare have come true at the same time. He clears his throat before he can trust his voice to stay more or less steady.

“Carlos…What are you doing here?”  
“I could ask you the same thing.“  
  
TK doesn’t answer him. Instead he goes back to staring at his drink. Carlos would like nothing more than to hold him, comfort him. He restrains himself, asking another question instead, although he already knows the answer.  
  
„Are you ok?“  
As expected, TK shakes his head.  
„Do you want to talk about it?“  
„No.“ He’s making himself smaller, like he is trying to hide in plain sight. Carlos is not fooled by his negative body language, because he can see a glimmer in TK’s eyes, a little spark that just wants to be ignited and turned into a flame.

Feeling empowered, Carlos lays a hand on his arm. „Would you let me take you home?“  
As if being slapped, TK jerks away. „No! Not home!” Running a hand through his hair, making a mess of it, he gets up from the bar stool. “I don‘t want to go there… I can‘t go there.“  
  
“OK.” Standing up as well, Carlos raises his hands as a signal that he will not force him to go somewhere that he does not want to go. But he also wants … no, needs …. TK to understand, that he will not just turn around and leave him here. That he is there for him. That he cares. „You can come to my place.“

_I see your hurt, I feel your pain  
All of our dirt is washed in the rain  
I've walked that road, I've felt that shame  
No place is home but times, they are changin'_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will TK let Carlos be his sanctuary? You‘re about to find out. :-)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the 4th and final chapter of this little story. I really enjoyed writting it. I hope you had fun reading it.
> 
> Thanks again for bearing with me, for leaving cudos and commenting.
> 
> If you take time to let me know your thoughts about this chapter or the story as a whole, that would be highly appreciated. Feedback is food for my soul and makes me very happy.

Carlos is a patient man. That’s why he is sitting on his couch, angling to face the man sitting beside him, with one leg up on the cushion, the other on the floor and waits. TK has not said a word since agreeing to come with him and leaving the bar together. The whole drive home has been spent in silence, with the young firefighter staring out of the window of the passenger seat.

He would love to be there for TK, help him, hold him, listen to him, but he senses that TK is not ready for that yet and he is willing to let him get there at his own pace. The silence filling the room is deafening, but Carlos can take it. He would do anything for TK.

While Carlos is waiting patiently and calm, the storm is still raging inside TK, a multitude of thoughts surging through his brain. He feels like cowering in a tight ball, like crying and throwing up. His hands are tightly fisted and his jaw clenched, his mouth a thin line and his gaze is fixed on the floor. At some point he closes his eyes to try and center himself, to give him a moment to calm down.  
  
After what could be minutes, hours or days – he has lost all sense of time – he dares to lift his head and look Carlos in the eye. He is overwhelmed by what he finds there. Kindness, warmth and something else… Something very real, very big, that he is not quite ready to name yet. If he would be, he’d probably call it love.

“Why?” TK asks soft as the flutter of a butterfly’s wings.  
“Why what?” Carlos holds TK’s gaze.  
“Why are you beeing so kind to me? Why do you care?” TK still looks at Carlos, but he starts fidgeting with his fingers. Something he does, when he is feeling insecure.  
“I just do” is Carlos short but heartfelt answer. He can’t hold back any longer, taking TK’s hand and entwining their fingers.  
  
“You shouldn’t.” It is a mere whisper, but he is sure Carlos hears him. “I’m damaged goods. I’m a mess and broken… I don’t want to drag you down with me.” TK whitdraws his hand from Carlos grasp, lets out a shuddering breath, tips his head back, tears leaving behind hot trails as they streak down his cheeks.  
  
Carlos’ heart breaks at hearing those words. Why does this man think so little of himself? How can he not know, how wonderful he is? He is torn between wanting to knock some sense into him and wanting to hug him to make him feel how special he is to him.But he does neither.

He was aware, that TK was a troubled man. But he had no idea to what extent. Because he hides it well, walking around with a smug sort of swagger most of the time. But hiding underneath is a sensitive person, who is too hard on himself to the point of being unfair.

Carlos would like for TK to be able to see himself through his eyes. With that not being possible, he tries to put it in words.  
„Hey... look at me.” Moving a bit closer, Carlos tilts TK’s head up with a finger under his chin, because he wants him to see in his face that he means every word he is about to say.  
“We all feel broken and lost sometimes. But there is so much more to you than that.” Carlos’ hand is now caressing TK’s cheek softly.  
  
„You are kind… warm…funny… generous… there for others…“ TK’s features soften and something in his eyes encourages Carlos to continue „You have wonderful, soulful eyes …. a killer smile... and you’re sexy as hell.” He adds with a wink in an attempt to lighten the mood a little. It seems to work, if only briefly.

A small smile is tugging at the corner of TK’s lips. However, the victory is short-lived. The blank expression creeps back into TK’s face and he pulls back, physically and mentally.

That’s it. Carlos can’t take it anymore. He tried the whole ‘giving TK space’-thing. Being gentle, holding back, resisting the urge to touch and comfort the lonely man sitting on his couch. Clearly it’s not working. He’s not getting trough to him, so it’s time for action instead of words. He has an idea and runs with it.

Without warning, Carlos closes the distance between them and TK finds himself enveloped in a bone-crushing hug. At first, he fights the urge to give in, to let go and let himself be held. He tries to break free, but Carlos is not having it. He’s not letting go and just holds on with strong, unrelenting arms

Eventually TK seems to get the message or he just gets tired of resisting. He starts to relax, giving in to the urge to let his guard down. To let someone apart from his dad behind the walls he has so carefully built up over the years.  
  
With a whine, TK pulls himself as tight as he can into Carlos’s embrace, against his body, buries his face against Carlos’s neck searching out comfort, contact, skin. He holds onto Carlos like his life depends on it.

“My dad has lung cancer…” he wisphers into Carlo’s skin. These words seem to be all it takes for the dam he had so carefully erected to hold in all his emotions and fears to break. They wash over him like a giant wave, threatening to carry him away. He is afraid of drowning, but then he feels the warmth radiating from the body close to him. Allthoug he is still sad, angry and desperate, he also feels hope. He is not alone. He has a lifeline to hold on to, preventing him from going under and being swept away. So he decides to do exactly that.

He starts to talk about everything that is troubling him, that had him walking trough the streets aimlessly and lead him to the bar where Carlos found him. He let’s everything out that he has kept burried inside for what feels like an eternity.

And trough it all, Carlos is there, holding him, linstening to him, carding his fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck with one hand while the other trails gently over his back in broad soothing circles.

When all is said and done, TK lets himself be led to the bedroom and crawls into bed next to Carlos. Strong arms come around him and pull him closer, until his head rests on Carlos chest. They lay like that for a while, their hearts beating in perfect tandem, both men taking solace in each other’s warmth. No more words are spoken but a lot is said in the way their bodies are entangled in one another.

_This is our sanctuary  
We can find shelter and peace  
This is our sanctuary  
You are, you are safe with me_


End file.
